![On the Job]( "On the Job")
On the Job 9:34
Welcome to Weis
Where I sacrifice
My weekends and free time
For a dime
Or a nickel
Seems I've found myself in a pickle
As she snatches an item off of the shelf
I know she's going to need my help
Some assistance
So I try to keep my distance
By staring at the tiles
Like they go on for miles
And wearing my frown
So she doesn't come down
But she does anyway
And now I'm forced to say
"Hello. Do you have your shopper's card today?"
Or she'll wave it in my face
Before I can get the words out
And I'll pout
Thinking bitch I'll get to it eventually
It's not like I'm not at all busy
Pulling your shit off the belt and dumping them bags
Paper to her liking like the other old hags
Well she's not all that old because she still wears pads
The same exact ones I have on now
How sad
Ham, American cheese, white bread, and grapes
What could all these things combined make?
A sandwich! The perfect picnic lunch
A little hard to munch
At least when I was little
And my teeth were oh so brittle
So I ate each ingredient individually
And all the animals came after me
More so my bread
It didn't matter if I fed
So I'd grasp onto my mother for dear life
As the animals took every last bite
I stick her honey mustard dressing underneath
The lettuce, onions, carrots, and beets
I know I shouldn't but I feel defeat
By an older woman with a smaller frame than mine
And breasts that stare straight towards the sky
Or are they looking at me?
Is she?
Thinking how could it be
That a 21 year old can't look as good as I do?
Fuck you!
Have you seen what Miley Cyrus is up to?
Before I saw your head bopping above the racks,
There she was among the stacks
Of mindless literature
That somehow is every one's pleasure
Even I wanna know why Cyrus is no longer engaged
Or why open toe heels are all the rage
Then you pushed your overflowing cart in front of me
And handed over your jiggling keys
I spotted the card in grey and red
Among those of CVS, Giant, and Wegmans
I ring up two steaks, potatoes, corn, and a can of peas
While her phone goes off and she answers with glee
I wonder who could be on the other line
So I search for an indication that she was once a bride
I spot the ring on her wedding finger
And imagine how the ceremony was put together
Pearl buttons running down the back of her white lace dress
A bouquet of roses leaving petals on the carpet
A black limousine outside the church
Waiting for the newlyweds to emerge
I ask, "Do you have any coupons?"
"No, not today," she responds.
Then your total is $152.73
She pulls out her card while I tap the button on the screen
Pow! Pow! Tap! Tap!
Her fingers type away on the pin pad
Then a stream of paper comes out of the machine
I tell her she saved $11.18
Then I thank her for choosing to shop at Weis
And that I hope the rest of her day is nice
Yea, right!
The woman grabs her cart and heads out
While I stick her signature in my pouch
A little something I'll have to remember her by
Until the monitor collects them at the end of the night
For now I'll return to the end of my lane
So I can put my fake smile on display
Until another customer, spouse, or child comes my way
And shoves their Weis card in my face
Like a robber demanding that I give up what's mine
As he points a gun between my eyes.
Submitted by: Dominique Wilson
Regular
Keywords: funny work kids customer cashier comedy short film money register wedding wedding dress reciept cart miley cyrus
Views: 2,439
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